I Don't Have the Answers...

It's taken me all weekend to begin to process what happened in Parkland, Florida.  I put it aside and compartmentalized it until I was ready to deal with it.  I still don't think I'm ready.  On and off all weekend when I have been by myself,  I've shed tears over the precious lives that were taken.  I've shed tears over the tragedy that struck 17 families.  I've shed tears over the teachers, coaches, custodians, and more who chose to put their lives in harm's way.

My tears have been over the loss.  They have been over the pain.  But more than anything, they have been shed over this as a reality for educators and students.

20 years ago when I made the decision to become an educator, school shootings were not the norm.  No one was asking if I would be willing to stand in front of my students and die to protect them.

I remember where I was when Columbine happened.  We were living in Juneau, Alaska and I was subbing in a kindergarten class for the week.  The day after Columbine, our elementary school had a fire drill.  I never thought I would have to tell students that it wasn't a shooting, just a fire drill.

When I taught in Louisiana, we had an active shooter drill that required law enforcement to come into the school as intruders.  Gunfire is not a sound that should be heard in a school.  Even knowing it was a drill, I was terrified.

Even writing about it causes me anxiety.

After every school shooting in recent years, I've returned to my classroom,  but I find myself thinking about exit strategies, ways to hide students, ways to stay safe.  It's not natural.

There is no way to hide 28 5th graders in a room with no closets or bathroom.

Would I sacrifice my life for one of a student.  Yes.

I can't imagine the educators who are moms and dads.  The struggle they have knowing that one day they may have to choose between their own children and those of another.

Would they sacrifice their life for a student. Yes.

But, when did it become okay to expect this of educators?  I'm asking myself this question as much as anyone else.  When did it become okay to accept school shootings as the norm and to train people for this situation?

I don't know what the answers are.  I know it's a complex issue.  I know there are many different sides and opinions...some we may share and some we may not.

But, kids are being killed.  Kids with a future that won't be lived.  Kids with dreams and with plans.  Teachers are being killed.  Teachers with families.

I don't know what the next steps are, but I know that I can't be silent about what school should be.


School should be a place of learning.
School should be where kids learn to engage socially with friends.
School should be a space where we learn to treat one another.
School should be a place where everyone is respected.
School should be a space where teachers encourage and inspire.
School should be a place where we come together to challenge and empower.

School should be safe.

The Greatest Showman's Greatest Lessons

Over the last couple of weeks, we have had extreme winter weather - well, extreme for South Carolina. Temps in the single digits in the morning and not rising too far above freezing for the remainder of the day.  All I have wanted to do is eat cinnamon rolls and nap.  Not a good combination.

Sunday, I decided it was high time that I get out of the house and do something - even if it wasn't necessarily productive.  For the last week, I've heard lots of friends talking about how great "The Greatest Showman" is.  Hugh Jackman devoted 7 years of preparation and his earnings from the Wolverine movies to commit to this project.  That alone told me that it must be worth it.  I've always been a fan of Hugh.  I knew that it was not something Cheney would go and see - he's not a fan of musicals - but, that it also needed to be seen in a theater to get the full experience. In my winter hibernation, I had see clips and videos of powerful songs that spoke to me, even without the costuming and sets.  I knew it was something that I had to see soon.

So, I got out of my flannel pajamas and made myself public worthy for a movie.  

From the opening notes, I was hooked.  I watched the movie with chill bumps on my arms from the amazing talent that was displayed.  It was a movie that made me want to jump up and clap and sing.  The message that was portrayed through the elaborate costumes, set designs, and more made it captivating.  As I left the theater, I couldn't help but to reflect on some of the lessons that stood out among the story.  

1.  Leaders have a vision or dream that is birthed from deep within them.  PT Barnum knew long before the circus was successful that he was destined for greatness and that he wanted to do something big.  

2.  Leaders take responsibility for their actions whether there are good or bad consequences.  When PT Barnum made Claire laugh during her finishing lessons, he owned that and accepted the consequences of his actions.  He did the same thing later in the movie (no spoilers here).

3.  Leaders surround themselves with likeminded people.  PT had a spouse who supported him 100%.  He looked for partners who were also risk takers and dreamers.  

4.  Leaders have a responsibility to empower those around them.  When PT gathered his crew of acts, he empowered them and brought them out of the shadows. He saw something in them and spoke to it.

5.  Leaders make no apologies for chasing their dreams. Unapologetically, PT pursued his dream, despite what the critics said or the setbacks that he endured.

This movie is probably in my top 5 now.  I walked away with so much more than entertainment.  Each song spoke to dream chasing, being me, and pursuing greatness no matter what others say.  

If you haven't, go see it!  It is well worth the price.  I'll just be over here downloading the soundtrack!

One Word 2018

I gave up on making resolutions years ago.  Partly because I quit them by the end of January and partly because I was making the same ones year after year with the same result.  I think it was 5 years ago or so that I ran across a blog post about choosing one word to focus on for the year.  That idea seemed less daunting to me and decided to embrace that change. 

Over the years I've chosen words like Intentional, Health, and Balance.  I've placed a reminder somewhere - a planner, a chalkboard, an email signature - that kept  it in front of me consistently.  I like the idea of focusing.  Having a resolution list always seemed to send the message that I had done the previous year incorrectly.  Some may think I have, but for me, I felt like resolutions were setting me up for failure.  So, the one word came to be.

This year, I struggled with a word.  If truth were told, I probably could have used Intentional again.  I was more intentional in 2017, but I could have been more.  I could have been more intentional in the way I spent my down time at home.  Instead of getting sucked into the hole that is Facebook, I could have been more intentional in cleaning my home, or cooking supper, or even in my relationship with my husband, family, and friends.  But, that word did not speak to me for 2018.

This year, my word is MOVE.

This covers all areas of my life from my profession to my health. 

I want to MOVE more in my pursuit of being physically healthy.  That means that during the day, I will need to make sure I'm getting away from my desk to walk the halls.  I need to move my body to build strength.  Yes, I'll be signing up for a group fitness class to help me do that.

I want to MOVE professionally.  This is my 18th year in education.  It's been a beautiful journey.  There have been bumps, valleys, and mountains.  Some of those valleys were long and  hurtful.  But, I wouldn't trade them for the world.  They taught me about myself and about others.  I need to MOVE outward in my profession from my small world of influence to a greater one.  I need to claim new territory.  I aspire to MOVE into administration.  This was a long time coming and something I fought against for years - and I'm paying the price for that now - but I have something to offer students and teachers.  That means moving out of my comfort zone into the uncomfortable, but that is where the magic happens.

I want to MOVE in my business.  My side gig is producing, but I want to move forward each day by consistently completing activities that will move the needle forward. 

But, lastly, I want to MOVE others to greatness.  One of my favorite things is to watch  students succeed and to celebrate each milestone whether it is small or large.  I want the same thing for teachers, business partners, family members, and friends.  I want to help  them find their path to success and dreams.  I want to move them to reach further and achieve more.

So, this year, my plan is to MOVE.